This They Believe

Be cool to the pizza man response:
I think that the topic is pretty interesting but the author kind of exaggurates the pizza man's importance a little bit, since there are other people who share qualities with the pizza man but do not get the same recognition, such as the mail man, the milk man, and Conan O'Brien. Focusing on pizza men makes these other guys seem left out. Also, it makes the reader hungry.

Didn't wash his car response:
I like how the author uses the not washing his car to attract attentions and surprise readers in the first paragraph, and then goes on to explain his philosophy about filling his life with only things worth doing. I greatly enjoyed reading this essay.

An Ideal of Service to our Fellow Man response:
A lot of people have said that Eienstein was ahead of his time. I think this article is almost proof of that. Eienstein forsaw how important education was, and how important the individual was, and leading economists and other people who analyze this stuff for a living are saying the same thing today.

The Saga of Horatio - Part II

"Sir! Sir! We've got a problem!" the page yelled, running down the hallway. 'Talk." said Horatio. "Remember that Gorilla from t.v. that could ask for pickles using sign language?" asked the page. "Were they dill or sweet pickles?" asked Horatio. "Dill." replied the page. "Anyways, he's been kidnapped!" he added. "What a sour fate!" lamented Horatio. "His kidnappers are the evil chicken lord Fowl Play, and his evil sidekick, Bad Egg! And they say that they will kill the Gorilla unless they are given one metric ton of silver!" said the page. "And let me guess - you need sterling hero to save the day?" asked Horatio. "Challenge accepted!"
Horatio arrived at Fowl Play's evil underwater chicken coop fortress. The base was heavily guarded so Horatio activated stealth mode. However, some evil henchmen still spotted him because of their anti-stealth-o-matic-sonar-detector. "Halt!" they yelled. "What is your intention!" "Oh, I'm just passing by." replied Horatio. "Or should I say - passing DIE!" and he whipped out his bronco blaster and schooled them. However, this commotion caused him to be spotted by an evil underwater submarine blaster sled. The blaster chased Horatio for a while, until Horatio crashed into a contrete wall. "Dam!" he exclaimed.So Horatio got out his second bronco blaster and activated dual wield and fried the evil submarine."I guess now, you're an evil underwater submarine blaster DEAD!" he said. Then he activated beast mode and stormed into Fowl Play's evil underwater chicken coop. "Get Down!" Yelled some henchmen in alarm, as Horatio came crashing through the wall. "No, get DROWN!" retorted Horatio, as water came gushing into the evil chicken coop and suffocated the lungs of the henchmen. The water flowed in, and flooded and sinked the entire coop. "Fowl Play was prepared, but not prepared enough." said Horatio. "He had everything in his evil chicken coop - except for the kitchen SINK!" Horatio then spotted Fowl Play's evil escape capsule getting away. Fowl Play and Bad Egg jeered at him from the rear escape-capsule window. "Birds of a feather - DIE TOGETHER" said Horatio and he blasted the escape capsule with his bronco blaster and schooled it.

Horse

A horse is a horse, of course, but some horses are extraordinary. Horatio was one of those horses. By day, a fiercely competitive racetrack favorite, and by night, as the mysterious superhero spy, Super Avenging Steed Enigma Turbo Omega. One day Horatio was sent on a mission in Milan to investigate an evil arms dealer named Delia Armstrong. After a wild day of partying with young fillies, Horatio decided it was time to infiltrate Delia Armstrong's base. Horatio went in posing as a mail deliverer horse. The large, imposing, steel front door was heavily guarded by a large, burly man from 1800-Dial-a-henchman. "Halt! What is your intention?" the henchman ased Horatio. "I'm delivering some letters for you." said Horatio. "And those letters are D, I and E!" and Horatio bashed in the henchman's face in with his repeated hoof blows and killed him. He then used the henchman's card key to open the steel door. Some henchmen spotted Horatio as he entered the compound. "Hey you! How did you get in here!" they demanded of him. "I walked in through the front." replied Horatio. "Of your FACE!" and he threw the other henchmen's card key at them, disorienting them, he then took out his handy dandy bronco blaster, and blasted the henchmen away. He then cut off their skin and wore their skin as a disguise and used it to sneak into Delia Armstrong's office. "Do you have an appointment?' Delia asked him. "No, but you have an appointment." said Horatio. "With my hoof!" and Horatio clocked her in the forhead and ripped her head off and ate it. But something was wrong - her head wasn't chewey enough. He looked down and realized that she was really a robot!. Suddenly the doors locked, and the floor gave way to shark-infested waters. Horatio clung to the wall for dear life. A sinister voice started breaking into malicious laughter. "Muhahahahahaha! The mighty Super Avenging Steed Enigma Turbo Omega has fallen into my trap!" said the sinister voice. "Night Mare! The evil Horse Supervillian, the Scourge of Stallions, the Fowlest of Foals!" exclaimed Horatio with illuminating realization. "Alas, we meet again!" replied Night Mare. "And this time I have you trapped. What are you going to do, run to your mama?" inquired Night Mare evilly. "Mama said knock you out!" cried Horatio, and he activated his powers of mega-horse super-flight and flew over to Night Mare and ripped him in half. "Another job well done." said Horatio.

Water

The small light of the tiny light turning on and blinking pierced the darkness of the room like a spear through the heart. The beeping that accompanied it pierced the silence was equally startaling. But any feeling of shock we had was slowly replaced with a feeling of dread, for we knew exactly what the small light signified. I looked up at my partner, and nodded. He looked back at me sternly. We were ready to move in for the kill.
I was terrified of what was to come, but also excited. I was eagar to get my revenge on the terrible monster who destroyed my village, the mightly Thallassus. I was also scared, we were miles under the sea, miles from the air we breath, with nothing to protect us except our steel can of a submarine. I took a deep breath. My partner looked at me as if to say, "Well, this is it." He left to man his post at the port gunning station, and I left for the startboard one. For hours I stared through my glass viewing panel towards the empty, black expanse of sea in from of me. I could still hear the beeping of the radar in the other room, for the rest of the submarine was unmoving and deadly silent. I focused intently on the small, repetitive beeping. You could cut the tenison with a knife. The beeping started speeding up a little. The dreaded monster was coming up in front of us, we could almost see it! I took another deep breath. And then... "False alarm." My partner said from the other gunning station. "Its some kind of scouting ship. What is it doing in these dangerous waters anyways?" Suddenly there was a deafaning roar behind us, so loud where it had been so quiet. The roar was filled with inhuman ferocity and anger. We had been drawn into a trap! My partner and I swiveled as fast as we could, and there it was, Thalassus, the anicent sea abomination. It was so large, most of it was obscured by the black sea. I started blasting it with high-powed rapid gunfire. With an inhumanly quick swipe, the monster ripped off my partner's gunning station from our submarine. My partner, knowing his doom, primed all the missles in his gunning station. I pressed a button and separated my gunning station from the rest of the sub so that the water wouldnt fill in and drown me. The beast turned his sights on me, but suddenly, my partner's missles exploded, stunning it. Then I blasted it with mah lazer and schooled it.

Chair

"...And that is why securites maganement implementation is an integral paradigm to this company's internal occupation institutionalized matters, which may or may not be curcumvented by..." said Blair, the chairman of our company meeting. He droned on, and although some people were listening, no one understood. Personally, I was more focused on Blair's hair, which was nonexistent. I wondered if it was true that all bald people droned, or if it was true that all people who droned were bald. I held with the latter belief, I just have a flair for that kind of thing. Suddenly, without warning, the droning stopped! Me and several others snapped back to reality, and looked around the room alertly to try to see what was going on. After 5 long hours, perhaps Blair had finally ajourned the meeting! Relief was in the air.But that was only partially true. In fact, a bear had broken into the meeting room and had eaten off Blair's head. His blood spewed all over the place from his neck stump, like something out of a nightmare. All we could do was stare. The bear said something about Blair starting too many forest fires and left to return to his lair. He left Blair's body, mangled and teared on the floor in a pool of blood. It was eerie looking at his corpse lying there, next to his splintered chair, which was in need of repair. Well, at least the the meeting was over, although we did all have quite a scare.

ten abilities

-Good work ethic: not really, but I'm so incredibly good at procrastinating that everyone thinks I have one.
-Strong calculative ability: Good at math, good at estimation, that kind of thing. I am confident that I possess this ability.
-Good at showing off / bragging: I don't often brag, but when I do, I do it in creative ways. The most pratical use for this skill is to apply it as trash talking in volleyball games.
-Musical ability: I can play the paino. Sometimes I play a tune on the ivories just to relax.
-Frugility: I am frugal with my benjamins.
-Creativity: I read somewhere that creative people tend to be selfish and lazy. I think that I am a living example of this.
-Caluclator skills: I am what you might call a TI-84 savant. My calculator has the latest OS and memory systems and its loaded with juicy programs that I made myself in study hall last year.
-Gangsta Swag: I am up-to-date with all of the latest style and slang.
-Vocabulary: I am the only person I've met so fat who uses the word "Sycophant." Plus, I make an effort to not end my sentences in prepositions.
-Heat tolerance: summer scorchers barely affect me, but cold winters really get to me.