Thanksgiving Break

So like on thanksgiving I ate some turkey and stuff. My mom cooked all of it. There was turkey, stuffing, spinach, carrots, mashed potatoes, gravy, apple pie, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and cinnamon apples. I ate a hefty amount of each then I took a nap and woke up and ate some of the leftovers then I took another nap and watched tv. The end.

Snow Black and the Seven Horsemen of Destruction

Once upon a time there was an evil investment banker named snow black. Snow Black was a menace to society who took all the money from her investors then decapitated them and mounted their heads on her wall. Then she would cut off their hands and use them as projectiles to high-five people from long distances. The queen grew concerned because Snow Black killed many of her subjects, so she hired a professional bounty hunter to kill and/or mortally wound her. However, Snow Black lured the hunter with promises of quarterly 7% gains and an aggressive investment portfolio and killed him. The queen was furious, because she had paid the hunter in advance. "Mirror mirror on the wall, lets murder these punks." said the queen, and the two of them stormed into Snow Black's manor. Their charge was rudely interrupted by an evil horseman. "I am Evil, the evil horseman of evil!" said Evil. "Look upon my horse, ye freaks, and despair!" The queen popped him with her .38 and she and the mirror ran into the next room, where they encountered another horseman. "My name is Doom, horseman of inevitable demise!" said Doom. "Hello horseman." said the queen. "Nice to meet you. I am - your hearseman!" and she smashed him in the knee with the mirror. Doom crumpled to the ground. The queen picked him up by the shoulders, and, dodging his left hook, kneed him in the stomach and sent him sprawling. Then she ripped off his legs and started kicking him with them and killed him. "There's an intruder in the house!" exclaimed Anger, a horseman who happened to be passing by. "No, but there's an intruder - in your face!" retorted and queen and she clapped Anger on the ears with Doom's legs, dazing him, and slugged him in the face and before he regained his senses. Then she caught him as he fell and scissored him in the ribs. Upon hearing Anger's alarm, the remaining four horsemen ran to the scene from upstairs. Their names were Malice, Famine, Bloodlust, and Zachary Perrault. Famine yelled a war cry and charged at the queen. "If you're so famished, why not have a sandwich?" said the queen. "A knuckle sandwich!" and she ducked under his swing and served the knuckle sandwich she promised him to his face. Then she jumped back to avoid his sweep kick and threw the mirror at him. While Famine was distracted with how shiny it was the queen ran up to him and ripped him in half, then dropped-kicked his torso at Zachary Perrault, who has no upper body strength and was knocked unconscious immediately. Then Bloodlust and Malice charged her together. The queen bashed their heads together then ripped their heads off and juggled them, and fed them to her mirror. Then she stormed into the final chamber, where Snow Black was waiting. The queen wasted no time - she ran right up to Snow Black and elbowed her in the face and punched her in the gut, then slingshotted off of a nearby jumbo rubber band and sent Snow Black sprawling. "Can't we settle this in court?" reasoned Snow Black. So the two of them went to the local park basketball court. The queen checked the ball to Snow Black, then rushed her and took possession. She dribbled over to Snow Black's side of the court and dunked on her. Then she picked up Snow Black and dunked her too. "Kobe who?" said the queen. Then she turned Snow Black in to the authorities, where she pleaded to 11 felonies including securities fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, wire fraud, grand larceny, theft, and wearing red shoes with blue socks.

Shreck

Exagguration - The way that Princess Fiona fights is insanley intense and pokes fun at fight scenes from movies like "The Matrix"

Incongruity - The French accent of Robin Hood is out of place with the setting

Reversal - Princess Fiona Saves Shreck from Robin Hood instead of Robin Hood saving Princess Fiona from Shreck

Parody - The dance routine of the merry men is an example of parody

Veterans

     I talked to many interesting veterns today. Most of them were really old so I had to lean in to hear them. I tried to pick people to listen too who looked like they talked a whole bunch because some veterans stand there and wait for you to ask them questions, and a lot of times i don't know what to ask, but others, especially the old ones, explain and tell stories about their experiences, and i enjoy listening to the latter breed of veteran more. one of the guys I talked to was a bombadier in WWII and I thought it was funny that he held the same position Yossarian did in Catch-22. This particular veteran talked a lot about how his plane worked and how German antiaircraft missles worked and other interesting stuff like that.
     I also talked to another old guy who was trained in horse warfare and stuff, and as soon as he arrived in europe he was sent to Japan to fight the war there but the atomic bombs dropped so he didn't have to fight there either, anyways he was really grateful about the atomic bombs and he said that if they hadn't been dropped, he probably wouldn't have survived.
     The last guy I talked to wan't that old. he was the navy seal guy. he talked a litte bit about his deployment and stuff but pretty much everyone there wanted to hear about his training. He explained that they had to swim for seven miles with his arms and his feet bound and eat shells on the ocean floor or something every day for 6 months, and it sounded really intense. The thing was that as he explained how greuling his training was, he said it kind of nonchalantly, not like he was complaining, but also not like he was bragging about having went through it, more like he was simply enjoying the act of explaining.
    Anyways, good job vets, way to go.

I want me some wife

1. I believe that the thesis is implied, and that it is "I want a wife who will do everything."

2. By repeatedly stating "I want a wife" the author is showing to the reader the vast multitude of things that wives do.

3. The author means wife not as "A female who is married" but as "A person who makes sacrefices for my convenience." If she does get a "wife," he will obviously be male.

4. The author is suing satire to show how much stuff wives do and how no person like what most husbands expect can really exist.

5. The author defines "wife" in the many acts that she sarcastically expects wives to do. She wants her readers to be outraged at how everything that is expected of wives by society.

Ima work on the following later:

6. To Brady:
    I want a wife too.
-Mas

7. I want a dog who will hug me everytime I get home. I want a dog who will not complain when I forget to feed it and just take the hunger like a man. I want a dog who will never get dirty and wash itself every night. I want a dog who his toilet-trained.I want a dog who will mow my lawn for me. I want a dog who will work as a newspaper delivery dog to get money to pay for its own food. My god, who wouldn't want a dog?