Who is Mas Dijkstra? Part II - Revised

Who is Mas Dijkstra?

This isn't the first time I've been asked this, and yet, I have no truly good answer off the top of my head. I suppose this is normal, most people usually can't answer questions like this on the fly. Or at least I hope. Anyways, I'll do my best to describe myself without getting too David Copperfield-y.

Not entrirely unlike the average American of my age, I spend most of my free time on the internet, watching tv, or doing something with my friends. I don't hate school, but I always look forward to the weekends. I live alone with my mom, who is a teacher at a Columbus City School. My birthday is on August 29th, which is this Monday, so make sure to give me an A on this assignment. I will be turning 16, which is kind of young for a senior. That's mostly because I skipped a grade a long time ago. (It was in elementary school so it wasn't that big of a deal) I look a lot older than I really am too so I don't have a problem fitting in. I enjoy reading a lot, if you asked me what I'm reading right now I always answer with multiple books. I'm going to college at OSU next years and I plan to major in electrical engineering. You might think electrical engineering is a really specific major, but the fact is that it is really broad: Mr. Devore advised me that electricall engineering is the major to go to if your have no idea what you want to do for this reason.

So anyways, thats sort of like my mini-autobiography. I hope that it wasn't too David Copperfield-y. I guess the best way to know who I am is just to know me as a person since I'm not very good at explaining myself. Hopefully you will by the end of the semester.

Char - revised

"...And that is why securites maganement implementation conervation strategy is an integral paradigm to this company's internalized circular occupational institutionalized matters, which may or may not be partially or whooly curcumvented by research identification studies." droned Blair, the chairman of our company meeting. He droned on, and on, and although some people were listening, no one understood. Mostly, the meeting attendees were nodding off to the rythym of his voice. Personally, I was more focused on Blair's hair, which was nonexistent. I wondered which stamement was tru: that all bald people droned, or  that all people who droned were bald. I held with the latter belief, I have a flair for knowing  that kind of thing. Suddenly, out of the blue, and without warning, the droning stopped! Me and several other poor souls snapped back to reality, and looked around the room alertly to try to see what was going on. After 5 long hours, perhaps Blair had finally ajourned the meeting! Was it all over! Was it all finall over! The sweet taste of relief was in the air.But that was only partially true. In fact, a bear had broken into the meeting room and had bitten off Blair's head. it was a gruesome sight - blood spewed all over the place from his neck stump, like something out of a nightmare. All we could do was stare. The bear said something about Blair having started too many forest fires and left to return to his lair. He left Blair's body, mangled, tangeled, clawed-up and teared on the floor in a pool of his own innards and blood. It was eerie looking at his corpse lying there, next to his splintered chair, which was in need of repair. On the bright side, the meeting was over, although we did all have quite a scare.

The Saga of Horatio - Part II (Revised)

"Sir! Sir! We've got a problem!" the page yelled, running down the hallway. 'Talk." said Horatio. The page wasted no time. "Remember that Gorilla from t.v. that could ask for pickles using sign language?" he asked.  "Were they dill or sweet pickles?" inquired Horatio. "Dill." replied the page. "Anyways, he's been kidnapped!" he added. "What a sour fate!" lamented Horatio. "His kidnappers are the evil chicken lord Fowl Play, and his evil sidekick, Bad Egg!" lamented the page. "Heavens to Betsey!" exclaimed Horatio. "Thats not all - they left a ransom note! I'll email you a copy." informed the page. Horatio recieve the email on his iphone 4s and read the following ransom note:

wE haz cOCo De geurillA. no mOr picKelz fUr cOco unleZZ i rEcievE oNe mEtric tUn oF siLver bY midKnight.

Yours Truly,
Fowl Play

"Well, I guess Coco needs a sterling hero to save the day! Challenge accepted!" said Horatio.

After Horatio had geared, he activited stealth mode and starting casing Fowl Play's evil underwater chicken coop fortress. Unfortunatley for Horatio, Fowl Play had come prepared. Fowl Play's evil chicken suit henchmen were able to effortlessly detect Horatio's presence with their anit-stealth-o-matic horse detector. "Halt!" cried one of the henchmen. 'What is your intention!" Horatio put on his most innocent face. "Oh, I'm just passing by." he said meekly. "But you - are passing DIE!" and he whipped out his bronco blaster and voporized the henchmen. Horatio started to zap more henchmen when an evil underwater grade-A submarine horse-hunter tank started chargin him! The tank's evil anti-horse forcefield delflected Horatio's bronco blaster shot with ease, casing them to ricochet into nearby henchmen. "I'm gonna make like an excorsist-" said Horatio, "-and get the hell out of here!" Horatio activated speed mode to attempt to get away, but the tank activated turbo speed mode and was slowly closing in on him. Suddenly, Horatio crashed into a concrete wall. "Dam!" he exclaimed. Horatio then had an idea: he activated horse biceps omega mode and used his mechanical horse-pecs to lift up the dam, and bring it crashing down on the horse-hunted tank.

Horatio glanced at his mega-ultra-decimator watch, and saw that the time was 11:55. "Oh my! Only five minutes before that poor gorilla's final pickle!" exclaimed Horatio. In desperation, Horatio activated berserker mode and came crashing through the wall of Fowl Play's fortress. "Get Down!" the henchmen yelled in alarm, as Horatio came crashing through the door. "No, get DROWN!" retorted Horatio, as water came gushing into the evil chicken coop and suffocated the lungs of the henchmen. The water flowed in, and flooded and sinked the entire coop. As the entire fortress came crashing down to the bottom of the ocean, Horatio spotted an evil-turo-omega escape capsule that had the nerve to think that it could get away from him. Horatio swam up to the capsule and enetered it. In it was Fowl Play and Bad Egg. "Birds of a feather - DIE TOGETHER" cried Horatio and he activated dual weild schooled the duo with double bronco, saving the day yet again.

THE END

Thanksgiving Break

So like on thanksgiving I ate some turkey and stuff. My mom cooked all of it. There was turkey, stuffing, spinach, carrots, mashed potatoes, gravy, apple pie, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and cinnamon apples. I ate a hefty amount of each then I took a nap and woke up and ate some of the leftovers then I took another nap and watched tv. The end.

Snow Black and the Seven Horsemen of Destruction

Once upon a time there was an evil investment banker named snow black. Snow Black was a menace to society who took all the money from her investors then decapitated them and mounted their heads on her wall. Then she would cut off their hands and use them as projectiles to high-five people from long distances. The queen grew concerned because Snow Black killed many of her subjects, so she hired a professional bounty hunter to kill and/or mortally wound her. However, Snow Black lured the hunter with promises of quarterly 7% gains and an aggressive investment portfolio and killed him. The queen was furious, because she had paid the hunter in advance. "Mirror mirror on the wall, lets murder these punks." said the queen, and the two of them stormed into Snow Black's manor. Their charge was rudely interrupted by an evil horseman. "I am Evil, the evil horseman of evil!" said Evil. "Look upon my horse, ye freaks, and despair!" The queen popped him with her .38 and she and the mirror ran into the next room, where they encountered another horseman. "My name is Doom, horseman of inevitable demise!" said Doom. "Hello horseman." said the queen. "Nice to meet you. I am - your hearseman!" and she smashed him in the knee with the mirror. Doom crumpled to the ground. The queen picked him up by the shoulders, and, dodging his left hook, kneed him in the stomach and sent him sprawling. Then she ripped off his legs and started kicking him with them and killed him. "There's an intruder in the house!" exclaimed Anger, a horseman who happened to be passing by. "No, but there's an intruder - in your face!" retorted and queen and she clapped Anger on the ears with Doom's legs, dazing him, and slugged him in the face and before he regained his senses. Then she caught him as he fell and scissored him in the ribs. Upon hearing Anger's alarm, the remaining four horsemen ran to the scene from upstairs. Their names were Malice, Famine, Bloodlust, and Zachary Perrault. Famine yelled a war cry and charged at the queen. "If you're so famished, why not have a sandwich?" said the queen. "A knuckle sandwich!" and she ducked under his swing and served the knuckle sandwich she promised him to his face. Then she jumped back to avoid his sweep kick and threw the mirror at him. While Famine was distracted with how shiny it was the queen ran up to him and ripped him in half, then dropped-kicked his torso at Zachary Perrault, who has no upper body strength and was knocked unconscious immediately. Then Bloodlust and Malice charged her together. The queen bashed their heads together then ripped their heads off and juggled them, and fed them to her mirror. Then she stormed into the final chamber, where Snow Black was waiting. The queen wasted no time - she ran right up to Snow Black and elbowed her in the face and punched her in the gut, then slingshotted off of a nearby jumbo rubber band and sent Snow Black sprawling. "Can't we settle this in court?" reasoned Snow Black. So the two of them went to the local park basketball court. The queen checked the ball to Snow Black, then rushed her and took possession. She dribbled over to Snow Black's side of the court and dunked on her. Then she picked up Snow Black and dunked her too. "Kobe who?" said the queen. Then she turned Snow Black in to the authorities, where she pleaded to 11 felonies including securities fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, wire fraud, grand larceny, theft, and wearing red shoes with blue socks.

Shreck

Exagguration - The way that Princess Fiona fights is insanley intense and pokes fun at fight scenes from movies like "The Matrix"

Incongruity - The French accent of Robin Hood is out of place with the setting

Reversal - Princess Fiona Saves Shreck from Robin Hood instead of Robin Hood saving Princess Fiona from Shreck

Parody - The dance routine of the merry men is an example of parody

Veterans

     I talked to many interesting veterns today. Most of them were really old so I had to lean in to hear them. I tried to pick people to listen too who looked like they talked a whole bunch because some veterans stand there and wait for you to ask them questions, and a lot of times i don't know what to ask, but others, especially the old ones, explain and tell stories about their experiences, and i enjoy listening to the latter breed of veteran more. one of the guys I talked to was a bombadier in WWII and I thought it was funny that he held the same position Yossarian did in Catch-22. This particular veteran talked a lot about how his plane worked and how German antiaircraft missles worked and other interesting stuff like that.
     I also talked to another old guy who was trained in horse warfare and stuff, and as soon as he arrived in europe he was sent to Japan to fight the war there but the atomic bombs dropped so he didn't have to fight there either, anyways he was really grateful about the atomic bombs and he said that if they hadn't been dropped, he probably wouldn't have survived.
     The last guy I talked to wan't that old. he was the navy seal guy. he talked a litte bit about his deployment and stuff but pretty much everyone there wanted to hear about his training. He explained that they had to swim for seven miles with his arms and his feet bound and eat shells on the ocean floor or something every day for 6 months, and it sounded really intense. The thing was that as he explained how greuling his training was, he said it kind of nonchalantly, not like he was complaining, but also not like he was bragging about having went through it, more like he was simply enjoying the act of explaining.
    Anyways, good job vets, way to go.