Snow Black and the Seven Horsemen of Destruction

Once upon a time there was an evil investment banker named snow black. Snow Black was a menace to society who took all the money from her investors then decapitated them and mounted their heads on her wall. Then she would cut off their hands and use them as projectiles to high-five people from long distances. The queen grew concerned because Snow Black killed many of her subjects, so she hired a professional bounty hunter to kill and/or mortally wound her. However, Snow Black lured the hunter with promises of quarterly 7% gains and an aggressive investment portfolio and killed him. The queen was furious, because she had paid the hunter in advance. "Mirror mirror on the wall, lets murder these punks." said the queen, and the two of them stormed into Snow Black's manor. Their charge was rudely interrupted by an evil horseman. "I am Evil, the evil horseman of evil!" said Evil. "Look upon my horse, ye freaks, and despair!" The queen popped him with her .38 and she and the mirror ran into the next room, where they encountered another horseman. "My name is Doom, horseman of inevitable demise!" said Doom. "Hello horseman." said the queen. "Nice to meet you. I am - your hearseman!" and she smashed him in the knee with the mirror. Doom crumpled to the ground. The queen picked him up by the shoulders, and, dodging his left hook, kneed him in the stomach and sent him sprawling. Then she ripped off his legs and started kicking him with them and killed him. "There's an intruder in the house!" exclaimed Anger, a horseman who happened to be passing by. "No, but there's an intruder - in your face!" retorted and queen and she clapped Anger on the ears with Doom's legs, dazing him, and slugged him in the face and before he regained his senses. Then she caught him as he fell and scissored him in the ribs. Upon hearing Anger's alarm, the remaining four horsemen ran to the scene from upstairs. Their names were Malice, Famine, Bloodlust, and Zachary Perrault. Famine yelled a war cry and charged at the queen. "If you're so famished, why not have a sandwich?" said the queen. "A knuckle sandwich!" and she ducked under his swing and served the knuckle sandwich she promised him to his face. Then she jumped back to avoid his sweep kick and threw the mirror at him. While Famine was distracted with how shiny it was the queen ran up to him and ripped him in half, then dropped-kicked his torso at Zachary Perrault, who has no upper body strength and was knocked unconscious immediately. Then Bloodlust and Malice charged her together. The queen bashed their heads together then ripped their heads off and juggled them, and fed them to her mirror. Then she stormed into the final chamber, where Snow Black was waiting. The queen wasted no time - she ran right up to Snow Black and elbowed her in the face and punched her in the gut, then slingshotted off of a nearby jumbo rubber band and sent Snow Black sprawling. "Can't we settle this in court?" reasoned Snow Black. So the two of them went to the local park basketball court. The queen checked the ball to Snow Black, then rushed her and took possession. She dribbled over to Snow Black's side of the court and dunked on her. Then she picked up Snow Black and dunked her too. "Kobe who?" said the queen. Then she turned Snow Black in to the authorities, where she pleaded to 11 felonies including securities fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, wire fraud, grand larceny, theft, and wearing red shoes with blue socks.